Todd and I are standing side by side at the front door when Todd allows Officer Thomas in. He's a sight for sore eyes, tight form fitting gray V neck t-shirt, expensive looking jeans with strategically placed tears here and there, work boots, small backpack, and in his hands a small notebook and pen. He introduces himself to Todd, shakes his hand and refers to recent phone conversations about my misbehavior. Then he turns to me with outstretched hand, reintroducing himself as Officer Thomas and mentions the day we met, the day I received all the citations that led up to this intervention of sorts.

I turn on the bratty attitude he is expecting from me. "I can't believe you're actually here. I thought this was some kind of joke."

"It's no joke, Mrs. Cerveny. You've been cited for extremely serious offenses. If you think this is a joke I'll call in the cruisers right now, and they'll haul you away. Got that?"

"Yup, I think so." Shit! Who says 'yup'? Am I really the country bumpkin that sounded like?

Why is my brain suddenly in neutral? I need to gather my wits and speak up assertively if I'm going to survive this.

"You THINK so?" He turns to Todd. "She just doesn't understand the seriousness of this, does she, Mr. Cerveny?"

Todd assumes his character as the husband of this wayward woman. "No, I'm afraid she doesn't. She's been going through some changes that I don't quite understand. I hope you can help with that."

So, here it goes, the scene is set, and Todd is totally selling me out to the officer.

The officer reaches for his radio and calls in our address and his arrival status. "Put everyone on standby. We've got a lively one." He clips his radio to his belt. Turning to me he continues, "As of this moment you are officially under arrest. I need you to surrender your license right now. When your IHAD is successfully completed, it will be returned and your record cleared." He points to the seating arrangement in our living room suggesting we take a seat. With notes in hand, Officer Thomas recalls the events that led up to this disciplinary action and refers to smart-mouth emails I've sent. In true character, he cites statutes, times and exact locations of my crimes. "You just don't seem to understand the seriousness here. These incidents occurred in a residential area where kids are at play, bicyclists are about. You could have seriously hurt or killed someone."

"But I didn't, did I?" A throwaway comment as if I'm discarding gum.

The officer is visibly irritated. "If you think this is a game and don't watch that mouth of yours, I'm calling for back-up. With one quick call, there will be a fleet of patrol cars outside your home, and your neighbors will watch as you are dragged out in handcuffs. Is that what you want?" He turns to Todd, "I need to search her now. You're free to watch." He motions me to stand and grabs me by the arm, leading the way to a nearby wall. "Hands up high and spread 'em." He presses his weight against me forcing me against the cool textured surface. I feel his crotch pressed into my backside as he commands me to spread my legs even wider. "Apparently you are slow to learn your lessons. I am here because your driving and attitude needs serious correction. Don't even get me started on that smart mouth of yours." He grabs a handful of hair and turns my head to the side. I stare into his green-gray eyes. "You have brought this upon yourself. It can be over as soon as I check off each step of the IHAD protocol. I can be here all afternoon if needed. The choice is yours and will be determined by your cooperation or lack thereof. Do you understand me?"

"I think so."

"You think so? How could I possibly be any clearer?"

Todd pipes in, "I don't understand her myself anymore. She's been going through so many changes, some for the better, most for the worse. I, for one, am happy you're here."

"Don't worry, Mr. Cerveny, I'm not leaving until she sees the errors of her ways. And trust me, she will. She'll thank me for setting her straight before this day is over."

"Do you have any weapons on your person, any guns, knives, blades, needles? Anything I could cut or puncture myself on?" His attention is back on me.

I manage only a whisper as I'm pressed so tight against the unyielding surface. "No."

He pats me down slowly, head to toe, from behind. "Are you hiding anything in your bra?"

I smile ear to ear and quip, "A bodacious pair of boobs." I detect a slight snicker of amusement, the tiniest break of character. I've gotten to him.

"I need to inspect your mouth, tongue up, now down. I'm going to search your pockets. Are you certain there is nothing that will harm me?" I manage to indicate no. One by one, he roughly thrusts his hands into my pockets. Satisfied I'm not a risk, he grabs my shoulders and turns me to face him.

"There will be absolutely no kicking, hitting, scratching or biting. Do you understand? To do so would be assaulting an officer, a felony, and the end of our IHAD session. You will go directly to processing at the local jail."

Speechlessly, I nod.

I'm seriously confused, he said he loved a good struggle, but now I'm not sure. Perhaps he's just making certain there are no unusual marks to explain to his wife when he returns home. My head spinning with uncertainty, he leads me back to the sofa as I try to shake him off. I'm forced to take a seat between Officer Thomas and my husband.

"She's a handful, Sir, this may take a while. You're free to watch as long as you like." With notebook in hand, he asks a series of background questions, some mundane, such as how many children were in my family growing up? Where did I fall in the birth order? What kind of discipline did I receive as a child?

Todd speaks up. "She learned to manipulate her parents at a remarkably early age. When she saw her older siblings spanked, she started to cry before it was her turn to be disciplined and as a result, she never was." All true, very true. Despite what Officer Thomas is seeing today, I've always been a fast learner.

"I can't believe you're selling me out, Todd. Why have you two decided to gang up on me?"

Officer Thomas asks Todd about any weapons we may have ready access to in case things get out of control. Honestly, the man thought of everything.

"Based on her emails to me and what I've learned today, I'm beginning to see a pattern of irresponsibility here. That will be corrected before I'm done today. Mrs. Cerveny, I need to inspect your purse for contraband, for my safety and yours."

I'm instructed to remove the items one at a time and place them on the table. I must say, I deserve an Academy Award for this particular part of the day. I reach inside my new Coach purse and pull out my key ring, rattle the keys and drop them to the table from well above its surface. Officer Thomas shakes his head in disbelief. I pick up each item, pinched between index finger and thumb, as if covered in a toxic substance, and unceremoniously dropped onto the wooden surface with a clatter.

"That's enough of that show. Your attitude is truly something else. Open your purse and turn it towards me for further inspection." The officer reaches for the little bottle of liquor. "This had better be sealed or count on yet another citation." He goes on with official sounding infraction numbers, and emphasizes how utterly irresponsible I am.

I decided to stir him further. "Who gets three citations in a single day? Not all at once, but throughout the day? Seriously, I don't think so? You wanted this to happen. This is a total set-up!" I try my best to sound offended and scowl but only manage a silly smirk. Do not burst out laughing now. Stay in character.

That was the last straw. Officer Thomas stood up, this time grabbing me by the ear and hauling me over the wall again, throwing me against it.

"I've had enough of you and that smart mouth of yours!"

He pressed his full weight into my back as he reached around to unbutton and unzip my pants, expertly I might add. In one incredibly quick flash, my jeans and panties were pulled down, and my ass was on fire. I counted ten very hard smacks to my virginal white skin that literally took my breath away. The reality of my situation had never been clearer. I have NEVER been hit so hard in my life! Officer Thomas and his IHAD program were as real as it gets! The officer stood aside so Todd could see the redness settle in and I think I heard a small gasp escape my husband. A moment later, firm hands were striking my flesh in rapid succession as stern words were shouted.

"You...smack...will... smack... not... smack...dis... smack... re... smack... spect... smack ... me... smack... or... smack... the... smack... laws... smack... of... smack... this... smack... state... smack... do... smack... you... smack... un ... smack.... der... smack... stand... smack... me?"... smack.

OMG! My ass is aflame! Officer Thomas steps back to inspect his handiwork while a rush of cool air dances across my sweltering, reddened skin. I drop my right hand from overhead and run my fingers across my butt. Oh my, there are so many raised ridges and heat. The heat...there are bumps and ridges and overlapping outlines of hand impressions, each finger distinguishable from the next. I'm not surprised. I'm proud that I took it as well as I did, but frightened that we are only minutes into this ordeal.

"Hands up again. Do not move a muscle unless I tell you, do you understand?"

"Yes, Sir!" I shout.

"Sir? Who are you addressing here? I am Officer Thomas and you will address me that way throughout your IHAD session."

"Yes, Sir, Officer Thomas."

The officer steps away and I detect whispers between him and Todd.