Notes from my Grave:

Without tears, there can be no future

 

One: The floor falls away from my feet.

Two: I get taller.

Three: I spread out across the face of the earth.

Four: I move away from the Earth.

Five: I cross the universe.

Six: I pause to listen to the suns speaking to each other.

Seven: The Major Demons, the Seven Lords of Time, destroy themselves and each other just for the sport of it.

Eight: The universe is swallowed.

Nine: Silence.

 

The power of Three. Plus Three. Plus Three.

And it's back to the coffee café for me.

Being folded, unfolded, spindled, and then mutilated may sound like a lot of fun, but it's not.

As time passes for me, but not for you, and I starve for the blood and never age, I am growing stronger.

My body is getting lean and hard.

I am getting stronger.

And I am starving to death.

Not my death.

Yours.

But only if you are very lucky, and only if I am feeling very charitable.

Don't hold your breath.

And so, Oksana.

 

from the diaries of

Jefferson Milton Davis

Chapter One: Oksana

 

Oksana

"Good day, handsome and sexy man Jefferson!

I have long hesitated to write to you.

But I gave up.

I decided to write to you, because if I'm not writing, I would regret it!

And would very much regretted and blamed myself!

And Lana explained about your "magic" who is a "postman". So I left my letter to you in my kitchen, in my favorite jar cookies. I hope that, somehow, it reaches out to you.

My name is Oksana. And I am very energetic girl. I like everything new. I am open to new relationships and for a variety of experiments. And I think that we would be able to approach each other. I looked into your eyes and see a piece of themselves.

As you are something to eat.

Something that does not exist in other men. And something makes you very special man. Do you understand that?

I do not smoke and I do not drink hard alcohol. I enjoy a taste or glass of red wine on occasion of a fine meal. Do you agree?

I very like dogs, and you?

Do you like to look movie?

What your favorite movie?

What type of sport does like to look?

I like to look football and snooker.

How do you imagine romantic walks?

Tell something about yourself.

Set the most frank questions, I with gladness will answer on them!

Yours,

Oksana!"

 

From Love? I will never recover.

And I am not certain that I want to.

Have I ever loved a real woman like this?

Yes.

And I wish I never had.

She was so afraid to love me, that she struck out, hurt me, stabbed me with a dagger (that strangely enough was shaped just like her bisexual girlfriend), and then she would start to cry if she even thought I was looking at another woman.

She would pull me into her life today, and then she would shove me out of her life tomorrow. And then she would pull me back into her life, and then she would shove me back out again.

For variety, she would stab me in the guts when I least expected it.

Did she know she was doing that? I honestly don't know.

And I only wished she hadn't been so afraid to just talk to me.

We could have found an answer, together.

Together, we could have achieved anything.

She didn't have to give up her girlfriend just to love me. I know she had made her girlfriend a promise, and that she always kept her promises - no matter how much it hurt her. Hurt me. Hurt her girlfriend.

There had been an answer - we, her girlfriend and I could have shared her. We could have both loved her, and she could have loved both of us.

And no one had to loose. And everybody could have won.

Happiness isn't hard, it just takes some honest talk, some faith, some trust, some belief.

But soon, she left me no choice but to leave her.

She was forcing me to leave her, and I didn't want to.

I had no idea what I was doing there, in that particular city, at that particular time, if I did not belong to her.

I would have given anything to stay with her, and to spend the rest of my life with her, with them, putting babies inside of both of them, being a family together, be friends together, lovers together.

To be parents and grandparents together.

I just wish she would have trusted me.

Trusted us.

But that is long over now.

She forced me away, and I had to obey her wishes, even as I cried getting onto the plane. I found that renting women was a better way to live anyway. Unbelievable beauty, stunningly sensuous, and incredibly anxious to do anything to please me. Willing to do anything I wanted.

Dying to do anything just to please me.

Money is a wonderful thing, and I am so glad that I have so much of it.

But I would have traded them all, for the one woman I truly belonged to.

And to the other woman I knew I could have loved forever, just because my soul mate loved her.

So I had found my soul mate. I had found my one true, and only love.

And she hated me.

And she drove me away. And she, and her girlfriend? They didn't last.

They went their separate ways, and lived alone, childless, and broken for the rest of their lives.

So now, I play this game that God has created, which has no rules.

Because I have no choice.

And it seems so very familiar to me.

 

Jefferson

"Well, hello Oksana!

I am very glad that you have written to me.

I too would have been very sad not to know you.

Are you Lana's girlfriend? If "yes" she thinks very highly of you, and wants us all to get together and to meet, to see if we are a match.

You are very open and honest. Thank you! In the West, there are very few women, only "female shaped things" that have no honesty, no soul, no heart, no feelings, and they hate the fact that they are female.

This is why I am looking in Ukraine for beautiful, sensuous honest women - just like you - who enjoy being women, and will enjoy the fact that I am a man.

I like the fact that you are open to experimenting with new ideas and new relationships.

I am looking for three sensuous, beautiful, bisexual women to share my life, my bed, my home, and all that I am together.

And like you, I enjoy feeding on my women, tasting them, touching them, appreciating them, breathing them in.

I agree with you, I do not smoke, do drugs, or drink hard alcohol - but, like you, I will join a friend for a glass of wine or beer, but only a few times a year.

One of the other beautiful women I am writing to in Ukraine likes wine, and when we finally find the country we want to live in, and buy the land to build our sustainable organic farm, we will also be making our own "garage wines", microbrew ales and beers, as well as olive oils, vinegars, vodkas, cheeses, breads, etc.

I am a "dog" guy, but have owned cats all my life. So when we buy a bed, it will have to be big enough for the four of us, all the dogs, all the cats, and in a decade or so, all the babies that I will put inside of each of you.

Right now, I have a vasectomy, so I can cum inside of you every night, and you will not become pregnant - yet.

I have no diseases, am very healthy, and practice alternative medicines, eat organic foods and drink spring water.

I do not know which movie actor I resemble, but I enjoy science fiction fantasy movies. "Alice in Wonderland" I enjoyed very much.

My favorite movie? Right this very moment - it would have to be "Alice in Wonderland." I thought it was very important, very significant, and very well done. I don't know why, but it had a very profound impact on me that I cannot explain.

I do not like to watch sports, I prefer to play sports. Martial arts, yoga, and Salsa dancing would be my favorites.

You will have to teach me about football and snooker!

I study Salsa dancing nine hours every week, and I practice my singing music six hours a week.

For me, a romantic walk is through the forest, and down to the fresh water lake high in the mountains, just the four of us all together. The dogs chasing each other around the trees, and starlight shows us the way. A small basket filled with fresh foods, cold baked chicken, ham, breads and cheeses for us to share as we sit along the beach.

For myself: I have lived most of my live completely alone - the country where I grew up worships hatred and cruelty, and I have no interest in such things.

I moved to New Zealand because I was told how advanced and modern this country was, and how friendly and welcoming the natives were. It was all lies, and I have suffered terrible tragedies here, far worse then the loneliness that I survived in the United States.

I am searching for a new job contract anywhere in the world, as long as it gets me out of here.

I have submitted myself to over one hundred jobs in Ukraine, and a company in Germany is interested in hiring me, and I am waiting for them to get back to me.

There are over five hundred jobs in South America (Argentina, Brazil, Chile) and I am submitting myself for those now.

Once we have decided that we belong together, and that you belong to me, we will have to decide where in the world we want to live. I still believe that South America is the best place for us, but again, we will all have to go there and make the decision as a family.

My questions for you:

What is your birth date?

Are you bisexual?

Do you enjoy sex?

Do you enjoy oral sex?

Do you enjoy anal sex?

Are you interested in a long term (permanent) relationship with me and several other breathtakingly beautiful women?

What languages do you speak?

What do you do for work?

Are you a student? If yes, what are you studying?

What are your favorite foods?

What is your favorite color?

What is your favorite movie?

I look forward to knowing all about you.

Jefferson"