EXTRACT FOR
Valerie
(David Weaver)

Valerie

By David Weaver



She waited until the waitress had cleared their places and refilled their drinks before she answered, "Yes.  I don't want to go into details, but it happens.  I'm still not sure how to explain it or why it works that way.  I've heard the theories and I'm not conscious of fitting into any of them.  I just know that there have been times when Rachael has had me in tears because what was happening was so repulsive to me, yet I was turned on by it and actually reached orgasm from something repulsive."

"You were in tears and she did not stop!"

Rachael took over, "Let me see if I can put this into words.  When we play, Giggy chooses to give up a lot of power or control to me, knowing that I may do unpleasant or painful things.  Sometimes I think she wants me to force her to go beyond her own preset limits."  Giggy nodded vigorously.  "That's why we have safe words.  They allow the sub and dom to go places they could not go if they relied on only the external reactions.  So she can be bawling and begging me to stop, but I know, since there was no safe word, that she really wants to be forced even farther than we've gone.  It took me a year to totally trust Giggy's willingness to use her safe word when it was needed.  Now I trust that implicitly.  The only things that I will stop for now are her safe words, my own limits of comfort and if she passes out.  That happened once.  She had gotten the flu and it became systematic in the middle of the scene.  Her stressed body passed out before she realized what was happening."

Rachael asked, "Have you been experiencing desires for things you don't normally like?"

"Yes."  Valerie hesitated to tell the couple just what that was for fear of offending them.

"Was it to be forced into lesbian sex?"

Embarrassment and shock covered her face.  She avoided answering for a few minutes by getting out her card and signaling that she was ready to pay.  Once they were alone again, she answered, "Yes.  I'm really sorry."

Rachael reached over and took her hand, "You have nothing to be sorry about.  We've talked enough to know you're not repulsed by us.  That you aren't thrilled with our version of sex isn't an insult, it just is.  Both of us are repulsed by the idea of sex with a guy.  Does that insult you?"

By now, Val was crying softly, "No.  I just don't want to hurt you two.  You're such nice people who are helping me through something hard."

Giggy reached over as well, "I'd like to think we're nice people too.  So are you.  It speaks volumes that you were so concerned about hurting our feelings.  I think we could become close friends if we kept in touch."

"Yeah.  Me too.  Can I ask some more questions?"

"Fire away."

"Why pain?  I mean, why was pain such a turn on that one time.  It wasn't 'fun' but it was erotic.  How can that be?"

Giggy answered, "I think it's different for different people.  For me, the pain is how I know I've given over control.  I could NEVER ask Rachael to hurt me.  But by allowing her to do so when she wishes, I let her know, and me as well, that I have truly given up control to her.  There have been a couple of times when I wasn't in a place where I could give up that much and I safe worded at the pain."

"And I respect that." Rachael continued, "Each day, our comfort levels change about everything.  Some days I can watch CSI and not get sick to my stomach.  Other days, I know I'll lose it if I even see one of their dead bodies.  It's the same with playing.  We're not always ready and able to go so far as on other days."

Giggy picked right back up, "That's why you have to be able to trust your instincts as well as those of your dom.  It's better to safe word too early than to let it go too far and get hurt emotionally or physically.  By the way, the emotional hurts take longer to heal."

Valerie sighed. "I guess the last question is where do I go from here?  I want more.  I know that.  I'm not sure where to go.  Do I go back to Charles?  I've done some research on him and while a very private person, he has a reputation for honesty and integrity in business.  There does not seem to be anything about him and the lifestyle that I can find on the internet."

"I'm not surprised by that." Rachael responded, "While we know that being into BDSM is not a sign of a depraved mind, the vanilla world out there still has misconceptions.  If you want to know how he plays, you'll have to talk to some of those he plays with.  If he goes to clubs, that will be a little easier.  If he only plays in private, then you may have trouble there.  A rep for honesty and integrity is a good start.  Must untrustworthy people can't keep up an honest front for very long.  I should warn you, though, the lifestyle can be somewhat protective.  You'll have to earn the trust of the club goers first if you expect them to talk about a prominent member.  The fastest way to do that is to show that you are into the scene.  That would mean playing with someone on site at a club.  The only part of on site play that will be dangerous for you is your noviceness.  You likely don't have the instincts yet to know when to stop."

"Oh God!  I wouldn't even know where to start.  How do you go to a club and let someone know you want to play?"

"There are several ways.  Rachael and I sometimes go to clubs to pick up new techniques and ideas.  Some of the play is in public as opposed to in private rooms.  You can show up wearing traditional sub accoutrements with no date.  That says you might be looking for a scene.  If you want to be really brazen, there's one club that allows subs to auction themselves off for charity.  It's done up like a slave auction and the winner gets to play with the sub, on site only, unless agreed to otherwise, for the rest of the night.  If you're looking to build trust within the community, that would be the fastest way to do it."

Rachael was watching Valerie while Giggy talked and noticed that she had become visibly aroused during the description of the sub auction.  She discreetly motioned for Giggy to keep quiet for a moment as Val wrestled with her feelings.

And wrestle she did.  Valerie could not believe how fast her pussy responded to the idea of being bid on by who knows how many men for the right to use her any way they wanted.  This was such an incredible turn on.  That arousal warred with the fear.  A total stranger!  Anything he wanted!  How could she think about such a thing.  But it gnawed at her.  She wanted this.  She wanted to know what such submission was like.  The more she thought, the more aroused she became (her toys were going to get a work out tonight).  Realizing that she had made up her mind before Giggy had finished, she asked, "What club and on what night?"

"The Mephisto club.  Slave auction is every fourth Saturday.  This Saturday is the next one.  I take it you're interested?"

"Yes.  I'm frightened and aroused by the thought at the same time.  Does that sound weird?"

Giggy laughed, "No, that sounds normal, for a new sub."

Rachael, more serious, said, "I don't think you should go there alone.  It can be overwhelming.  If someone sees that you are alone and a novice, they might try to pressure you to leave for the scene.  We don't want that to happen.  Come by the store at 7:00 and we'll be getting off and we'll accompany you there and make sure you get home afterwards.  Take a cab.  You will not likely be in a condition to drive and you don't now us well enough to accept a ride home from us.  Oh, you'll want to wear something scandalous under a coat and bring a change of clothes for the trip home.  Finally, it will be much more intense and fun if you don't have any sex of any kind between now and then.  A desperate sub is a more responsive sub." She finished with a smile.

"I can't thank you both enough.  You've been so nice and helpful.  Thank you, thank you.  I'll see you both at 7:00 on Saturday."