"When I married you," Shelagh said, "you promised to feed me, clothe me, and pay the rent."

 

Honoria let out a wry cackle. "You must have been at the wrong wedding, woman. I never promised any of that." She raced through her best recollection of their vows, counting them off on her fingers. "Let's see... I Honoria take you Shelagh to be my lawful wedded wife, to have, to hold, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness, in health, until death do us part. Where I come from, that means I may be skint but you're stuck with me."

 

Shelagh tightened the belt on her ratty fleece housecoat. Leaning back in the easy chair, she stared blankly at the TV. "My mother always said we were wrong for each other."

 

"Yeah, because I'm not purebred like some people," Honoria shot back. "Or rich, at the very least."

It wasn't her fault she was a fairy mutt.

 

Shaking her head, Shelagh muttered, "Shoulda taken Mum's advice."

 

Picking up the jug from her TV tray, she poured milk over her big bowl of store brand Fruity-Oh's. When she dug in with a soup spoon, the sound of her teeth smacking made Honoria shudder. Shelagh's noisy eating habits made her nauseous.

 

Clearing junk mail out of the way, Honoria fell onto the ratty old couch. She tried to sit on her anger, but that only inflated it. "Do you have to chew so loudly? You sound like a troll."

 

Shelagh shrugged. "You don't like it? Leave the room."

 

"It's a bachelor apartment! Where do you want me to go, the crapper?"

 

Instead of offering one of her trademark snarky responses, Shelagh grabbed the remote and turned the volume way up. A loud Australian on TV interrupted their passive aggression to ask, "Are you strapped for cash? Do you need money now?"

 

"Great Mother of Seelie!" Honoria nearly jumped out of her skin. Grabbing the remote from Shelagh's hand, she cried, "Would you turn this thing down?"

 

"Shut up for a second. I want to hear this."

 

"Gold has never been so valuable. If you have used or unwanted gold, you can turn it into fast cash. What would you rather have: ugly old jewellery that's just collecting dust, or money for a vacation cruise? A shopping spree? A new car?"

 

Honoria imitated his accent. "Groceries? Rent? A new toothbrush? The possibilities are endless!"