I don't know what the hell I was thinking when I booked a room on a clothing optional cruise. I was 40, made a good living as a realtor, and was halfway through paying off a fifteen year mortgage on a tidy home in a respectable neighborhood. If you asked any of my friends, I'm sure that they would say that Kelly Hames was the last person they'd expect to spend a week sailing the Caribbean in the nude.

Of course, maybe that was the reason I did it. It was the middle of winter, and Pennsylvania was cold, and I was just feeling more and more trapped, which didn't really make sense because I had a lot of control over my life. I didn't have a husband or kids to worry about; I could largely set my own hours. I could do whatever I wanted.

I think that was probably what scared me the most. I could do whatever I wanted, but I didn't. I went out and showed people their dream homes during the day, and we spent hours talking about the fit that was right for their family, gushing over walk-in closets and Jacuzzi tubs and planning where the garden or the treehouse or the game den would be. Then at night, I came home to my aging two bedroom, single bath house, where I ate mediocre takeout Chinese and then watched boring TV while riding my exercise bike to keep from getting fat.

I was getting old before my time, and worse than that I was getting bored before my time. If I was trapped, it was me who was trapping myself. But how do you get away from yourself? Well, if you're like me, apparently you decide to go on a clothing optional cruise. I guess I figured it'd startle me out of myself, or give me something to dream about, or something. Also, I was pretty drunk that night, so there's that.

But once I sobered up, I didn't cancel the reservation, so I think I must have wanted it really. I took some vacation time and packed, and the next thing I knew I was on a cruise ship surrounded by naked people.

I was sitting by the pool, wearing sunglasses and pretending to read a book while I looked around at the naked people surrounding me. I was wearing a white bikini. I hadn't quite worked up the nerve to actually be nude, but a bikini was about as undressed as I'd ever been in public in my life. It wasn't that I disliked my body. I was pretty sure I had the figure for it. I wore a C-cup bra, and my breasts were still pretty darn perky all things considered. My stomach was reasonably flat, and I had good hips, even if my butt was a little bigger than I would ideally have wanted. Hopefully I'd make it to nude by the end of the trip, but for now, I was taking baby steps.

I glanced around me. Across the pool, an older couple reclined on deckchairs, both completely nude. His chest was covered with curly white hair, and his arms and legs were thin. His penis poked out from under his pubic hair, looking small and white and shriveled. She looked like she'd once had an impressive chest--several decades ago. Now they were tubular and wrinkled, her nipples reaching down to mid-stomach. Her stomach was lined with silvery stretchmarks and scars.

I was definitely looking better than them, although it was sweet in a way to see how relaxed they were. They didn't care what they looked like. They were just out in the sun and together. The man's hand lay gently on the woman's thigh.

I glanced away. To their left was a young woman who appeared to be in her early twenties. I had to admit, she made me jealous. She looked like a model, with small, pert breasts and nipples that were an almost startling shade of pink. Her skin was tanned all over, without any hint of lines, and she had beautiful long blonde hair that was swept back into a ponytail. Her legs were long and athletic, and her stomach was flat. When she stood and got into the pool, I could see that the area between her legs was perfectly smooth and shaved, her pussy nothing but a single tidy slit.

Off on the right side of the pool, near the bar, there was a young man. He had short brown hair, a pierced ear and an impressive tan. He lay sprawled on a towel, his penis drooping down between his legs. Although he tried to hide it, I could see that he kept sneaking glances at the blonde girl. She began stretching in the water, moving her shoulders in circles and sending her breasts bouncing, then putting a leg up onto the side of the pool and going into nearly a full split. The young man's eyes widened, and his penis went instantly erect. He blushed and turned over onto his stomach to hide it.

I smiled and glanced down at the pages of my book. It was all so scandalous, and yet so free and natural feeling. My bikini suddenly felt pinchy and strange against me, and I had a sudden urge to take it off. I wanted to join these people in their naked abandon. I bit my lip. On the other hand, it felt strange to just take my top off now. I didn't know the etiquette of this sort of thing. Even if I was warming to the idea of being nude around these other people, it seemed strange to undress in front of them. I should have just gotten naked in my room before coming out here to the pool. Well, the next time I came to the pool, I'd leave my top off.

I sighed. It was an obvious cop out. I couldn't even fool myself, and I didn't know why I was trying. It was just the same crap that I pulled on myself back home, and I knew then that I would come out to the pool the next day still wearing my bikini with some other lame-ass excuse, and that I'd do it the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that, until it was time to go home again. And then I'd go back to that stupid little house of mine and eat my Chinese food and try not to get fat while I helped everyone else explore their dreams.

Just then, there was a motion by my side.

"From the gentleman at the bar," said a deep, musical voice.