I don't dress up for work. Sometimes I wish I could get all dressy, but the kinds of outfits which are acceptable at the insurance company I work are pretty boring anyway. It's not like I could get away with wearing a mini or something. Not that I wear minis, of course. I mean, there's nothing wrong with them; they're just not me. High heels? Forget it!

I do like a good pair of tennis shoes, though. I like them to have a lot of spring to them too! I have a pair of orange and white Air Jordans and I can bounce around a lot wearing those suckers! And I'm a high energy person! I took gymnastics through to college, and I can still do cartwheels with the best of them, all these years later!

All these years being defined as "1".

Yes, it's been a year since I graduated from New Jersey tech and got a job working for the state of New York in IT support. Okay, I know what you're thinking, and maybe IT Support isn't exactly the most prestigious job on the face of the earth. I'll accept that. And maybe there are a lot of nerds and losers in the job.

Well, I may be a nerd (I AM a nerd) but I'm no loser!

And I don't even wear glasses (so long as I have my contacts in)!

Fact is, though, the only reason I had to go to Jersey Tech was to get the paper to prove I knew what I was doing. I've been taking computers apart and putting them back together since I was ten. But without the paper, that wasn't worth a lot. So now I work in a huge building full of ... old people.

Okay, okay, maybe I'm being ageist. Forty and fifty isn't technically old, though it seems like it to me at twenty. But it's not just the years under their belts, it's the weight under them. These are people who don't get out much! They don't do sports. They don't dance. They don't exercise. They don't walk. The only reason the stairwells aren't overgrown with cobwebs is because the cleaning staff goes in there to smoke pot.

And uh, maybe some IT people do sometimes.

Not that I'm much into pot personally. But I once read some Tolkien while smoking pot, and it really put a new kind of spin on things! I wouldn't have thought I could get any more insight into Lord of the Rings since I've read it like ten times already!

Anyway, not long after I got hired and showed up, I got promoted to senior technician. The pay is only a little better, though, and the reason wasn't so much my brilliant technical abilities as my size. A lot of the IT guys are - chunky - to put it mildly. A lot of them don't really get along all that well with people either, and then there's that whole hygiene thing...

Anyway, the boss decided that given a choice between me and Lloyd, who weighed three hundred and seventy pounds and needed a special chair, I would be more efficient at crawling under desks to hook up wires and stuff. The "Senior" IT people are the ones who do the physical work outside the IT office. That is, we're the ones who go and see people at their desks.

That was fine with me. I LIKE people! Maybe I find the people here a bit fusty and musty and dusty, but getting out and moving around appeals to the hyperactive in me.

Anyway, being IT, and having to crawl around under desks and stuff, we have a 'relaxed' dress code. Basically, we wear whatever is comfortable as long as no one will be offended by it. What I was wearing this Monday morning was a pair of white yoga pants and a green New York Jets football jersey which hung over my butt.

You don't want to be wearing yoga pants without something over them around here! Not unless you want everyone to be staring at your butt! Actually, that probably goes for anywhere. But I didn't want a bunch of old geezers staring at my butt and getting hard-ons!

It has a big number 69 on it, because that was Trevor Canfield's number, but that's my little joke, and I doubted any of the old people would get it, or if they did, think I knew about it. Nobody ever looked at me and thought I might think thoughts like that, which was sometimes kind of irritating, you know?

I mean, nerds not only can have sex, but we have imaginations! We have very vivid imaginations! If my mother had the least idea the kind of sexual fantasies I had, well, her hair would turn instantly gray! But let's not go there. This is about Monday.