"So you have tried?"

"That's what I just said." He said with an edge to his voice. "Not for the first year. After all our time together it wouldn't have been right to have another woman in our bed." He paused and laughed, "Shit, I felt so bad about that I bought a new bed and changed bedrooms."

"There was a woman I'd met at a net working seminar. A couple of years younger than me, attractive, sweet. We went on a few dates and she invited me up for a drink. We started on the couch, kissing, petting, a little fondling." He was now making it a point not to look at me. "Everything was working okay at that point shall we say and I was feeling nervous, but pretty good."

"We moved to the bedroom and undressed and....as soon as I tried, I lost it, I just couldn't. She, well let's say she tried to help, but nothing. Then I got embarrassed and when that happens to a man it's not easy to shake off. She was good about it, said she understood and how about we try again another time. Next time was at my place and same thing. I got closer this time, but just kept thinking 'what do I do, how should I do it?"

"You don't forget." I joked.

"No, it wasn't that it was just all that time one woman, what if I couldn't make this one happy, what if I wasn't any good? Or what if she didn't make me feel good? Laura liked this, would she? Any way you start thinking and it's all over. Long story short by the third time it happened she was done being patient."

"I've tried with two other women since and same thing. I'm interested shall we say in the beginning, but when it comes down to it, I just....I think of her and feel it's wrong, or remember what happened and nothing. Understand women my age are not patient." He laughed, "All that milf cougar porn is not far off, women my age want a guy who can take charge and they don't want to have to teach."

"Have you, you know," I tried to choose my words carefully, "Tried taking anything?"

"Thanks for embarrassing me." He grunted, "But yes I did. Thing is that only works if the desire is there. It doesn't help with nerves." He laughed, "Big one controls the little one you know."

"Have you talked to anyone?"

"Professionally? No, but I did confide in a good friend. His suggestion was a prostitute. His theory was I could just lay there and let her work for it as he said, but I'm not going to do that. I read some stuff online about sexual surrogates, but all they are, are prostitutes that take Blue Cross."

"So you don't date because you..."

"Because I can't do anything else and its getting more and more frustrating. I know she would want me happy, but I just can't meet someone I'm comfortable with."

"Maybe you need to give it more time with someone, get to know them better."

"Back to the patience thing again and at this point it's mine as much as theirs because I do want to, just can't seem to," he shrugged. "Break the ice."

"If you could once do you think you would be okay?" I asked staring down at our hands.

"I would think so. At least I would know I could." He slid his hand from mine and I saw the waiter approaching.

"Anymore coffee or change your mind on dessert?"

Joe gestured to me and I shook my head.

"Me either, just the check" Joe told him.

When he walked away Joe laughed, "Know why I never have desert?"

"No, why?"

"Because I never have dessert, ever, and it seems to be a problem for me to ever do anything differently."

"Then that might be your problem." I snapped my fingers. "Being with another woman isn't just about your wife, but about it being someone different. You need to start making changes, and then maybe that will get better."

"Thank you Doctor Ruth." He said with more than a hint of sarcasm. "Having desert will fix my sexual issues?"

"Hey it was a thought," I waved my hand at him, but to myself thought it would depend on the dessert.

The waiter came back with the bill and as Joe pulled out his wallet, I picked up my glass and taking the last couple of swallows decided I had found the perfect way to thank Joe for all he had done for me.