"And what brings you here, Diana?"

The answer to that question seems to be so simple for everyone else. They all want to better themselves for one reason or another.

"It's complicated," I reply. Really I'm just stalling. Jodi's expression doesn't change. She continues to stare at me expectantly. She has already told me that I can be completely honest with her and that she isn't here to judge me, blah blah blah. The true reason that I have brought myself along to this Life Extension program is because there are two girls from the university who I have my eye on, and I can't pursue them back home because my boyfriend is constantly hovering over me. Two weeks at a lakeside with five hundred weirdos who are exploring the possibilities of life is the perfect opportunity for me to try and get with girls. There is no other reason for my being here. I'm perfectly happy with my life being small. The only thing I want to explore further is the female body, although I'm not sure if sexuality is one of the things that Jodi intended for us to explore.

"I'm waiting," Jodi says, although she says it in a way that somehow doesn't sound rude.

"I just..." I stop to clear my throat. I can't look her in the eye. "I just don't know who I am, really. I want to clarify who I really am...determine my identity."

Jodi begins to nod before my sentence has come to an end.

"I understand that, Diana. But I believe that rather than helping you decide who you are, this course will help you to accept that you are a lot of different things. Nobody's personality is so clear cut."

I don't know what she's talking about. I'm not too fussed, either. I want to get out of this office so I can get to my cabin and find out who I am going to be bunking with.

"Tell me, what is it exactly that you are wondering about yourself?" She asks.

Should I tell her? Why not?

"I think I like girls. I don't know whether to suppress these urges because they are wrong, or explore them and decide whether or not I am gay after that. I have a boyfriend, which makes matters that much more difficult."

Jodi slowly breaks into a smile.

"Thank you for opening up to me. I think we should have another session in a couple of days, once everyone has settled into a routine. I think this course is going to be good for you."

I leave Jodi's office even more confused than when I went in. I guess I thought I would get some sort of answer from that initial meeting. I nod at the next person in line, indicating that he can go through to Jodi's office. I wonder what has brought him here - he looks like the type of person who has all sorts of issues. I recognize him from around campus, but he isn't in any of my lectures.

I follow the instructions on my itinerary which lead me to the cabin I'm going to be sleeping in. There are no names on the list; the only way I can find out who my bunkmates are going to be is by checking it out for myself. I walk in with my head down and throw my rug sack onto the first empty bunk that I see. I'm embarrassed to be here. As far as I know, none of my friends are attending the course. For good reason, too. They're all normal. Word is bound to get back to them, though. I was planning on denying it if they tell me that they heard I was here, but how am I supposed to explain my two-week absence?

"Hey!" A voice with far too much energy springs up beside me. I look around to see a little red-head girl with freaky green eyes.

"Hi," I reply, with far less enthusiasm. She rambles on to me about nothing, trying to make friends. I'm not that interested. As far as personalities go, mine is relatively bland. I've had the same friends for the last ten years, some even longer. With the exception of my boyfriend Boyd, who is just as quiet as I am. Our relationship is built on a cliché and the fact that neither of us are charismatic enough to develop any other potentially romantic relationships. We were forced to be lab partners and I didn't find his company to be unpleasant, so naturally it stemmed from there. I've been at this camp for barely an hour and already I'm starting to miss him a little. Maybe it's not Boyd specifically that I miss; it's the comfort of my routine that is based around him. Usually right now, at five o'clock on a Friday would be in his dorm room doing homework. An hour later we would head to the bar down the road with his dorky friend and my best friend. Boyd and I would have no more than two drinks each and then we would walk back to my flat, watch half a movie, have sex, fall asleep. In the morning we would watch the other half of the movie, Boyd would go to work and I'd laze by myself for the rest of the day. This is the first time in months that my routine is going to be switched up. I don't like it, but I feel it has to be done. I told Boyd that the camp was a compulsory part of my psychology paper and I hope he doesn't find out that it's not. It's nothing to do with my psychology paper at all, and all it would take for him to find this out is to talk to someone who is in that class. I'm taking a giant risk here, but I'm determined not to be too quick about regretting my decision to come here.

The red-head girl, whose name I've learnt but haven't retained, takes me to the hall where we're going to eat dinner. Apparently she comes here every year and she thinks it's the best thing ever. It can't be that great if she comes here ever year and still hasn't "found herself". I keep this to myself, though, as I do with almost all of my opinions.

We have to sit through speech after speech of bullshit from the program leaders about how amazing our time here is going to be, and then we finally get to eat. The little red-head won't stop talking to me and I can't believe she hasn't noticed that I'm not listening. I don't actually mind so much, though. At least it makes me appear like I am not a loner.

About ten minutes into dinner I spot her. Cloe. One of the main reasons why I forced myself to come here. She is friendly and perfectly sweet and charming, but I have no excuse to talk to her in class. I never get put in her group for assignments and in the lecture theatres she sits up the back with her massive group of friends. Recently I've started sitting to the side of them so that I can watch her out of the corner of my eye. She is so perfect in every way and I just know that if I can get close enough to her, she will be nice to me. The best bit of it all is that I've heard she likes girls. Over the last couple of years I've heard plenty of rumors about who swings which way, and time and time again my hopes get crushed when the rumors turn out to be false. I would not pay a whole of attention to the rumor about Cloe, except I saw it with my own eyes. She was holding hands with the goalkeeper from the women's soccer team at the back of the school field. Before she left, Cloe kissed her on the cheek. It wasn't exactly sexual, no, but it was more than friendly. That was at the beginning of the semester and I haven't seen the goalkeeper around since then, so I don't know what happened but her absence is enough for me to believe that she and Cloe are not an item. I also take it as proof that Cloe likes girls. There is a possibility that Cloe could grow to like me, and after fourth months of pretty much stalking her, it's getting really hard to not act upon my crush. The other thing I like is how Cloe was being kind of secretive, lurking under the trees with that girl like she wasn't keen for people to spot them together. I don't really like the idea of a lot of people knowing I want to have sex with girls, either. This is another reason why I think Cloe would be perfect for me.

It's not just my shyness that has been stopping me from chatting up Cloe, though. There's Boyd, for one thing. I'm sure that he hasn't had so much as an inkling about what's going on in my head. The other thing that has been stopping me from advancing on Cloe is that I also like another girl. It's a mess. If I'd left the whole thing alone and ignored my urges forever, then it wouldn't be so messy. I could live a lie if it meant I wouldn't lose Boyd, and that I wouldn't embarrass myself by getting rejected by girls. I tried and tried to ignore it altogether but I have to find out for sure whether or not I like sex with girls. A guilty feeling in the pit of my stomach reminds me that even though I've never had sex with a girl, I already know that I like it.

I watch Cloe from across the room, as perfect as ever. She's laughing with her friends, showing off her beautiful white teeth and accentuating the piercing in her lip. I was surprised when she raised her hand in class last week when Jodi asked us out of interest who would be attending the Life Extension program. But then again, it's not like I know a whole lot about her. So far everything I've learnt about her I've liked and been intrigued by. I wonder what it is that has brought her here. What does she want to find out about herself? What does she think she needs to improve? Was she just bored?

The redhead girl's blabbering becomes background noise and I tune into Cloe. All of my focus is on her. I imagine myself sitting next to her, putting my hands on her thighs and my mouth on her lips. In my mind it feels good. The best thing about my daydream is that she reciprocates. She kisses me back, curls her hands around my neck, pulls my head down into her lap.

"How's it going, Karma?" A voice next to me makes me jump. Jodi appears next to the redhead girl. She looks so different, dressed down in a hooded sweatshirt and faded blue jeans.

"It's going good," the redhead girl smiles back at Jodi. "How about you?"

"Yeah, I'm getting excited," Jodi nods, looking around her at the five hundred buzzing students. "Not so much about having to sleep on that hard mattress, though," she sighs.

"Oh, you get used to them. Trust me."

I'm trying to work out what is going on. This weirdo - Karma - has been attending the camp for years now, so she said earlier. This must be Jodi's first time. I frown a little. I trusted Jodi, thought that she was the pro. How is she supposed to help my find out what I want about myself if this is the first time that she has helped to run the program?

I take a long sip of coke, staring at Cloe again. My mind is whirring. Shit, am I actually starting to take this seriously? I'm worried about whether or not Jodi is fit to run the program. Because I want her to help me find out if I am a lesbian or not? My initial plan was to just use this course to have an excuse to talk to Cloe. And Jodi.

I flick my head watch Jodi leave. She smiles a me before she walks away. I've spent months trying to figure out who I have the better chance with. Cloe is my age, while Jodi is a couple of years older. Cloe is one year away from becoming a teacher, while Jodi has already been teaching for almost a year. I don't think that makes too much difference. We're all close enough in age for that to not be a factor. Me 21, Cloe 22 and Jodi either 23 or 24. She's never told me her exact age, I've only pieced it together using the bits of information she has shared about her life. It started off innocently enough - Jodi was my favorite lecturer. I loved going to her classes. I had already admitted to myself prior that I was crushing on Cloe. Then one day I was sitting in class on a boiling hot afternoon and Jodi was wearing a tank top that lifted whenever she raised her arms. She was delivering a topic that she was extremely excited bout, so she was raising her arms a lot. The lines of her hip bones made me stare. I noticed moisture between my legs and gasped when I realized it was not just sweat.