Prologue

 

The envelope sat in the center of Ben's dark green desk-pad as obvious as a zit on the tip of a fourteen-year-old's nose. He knew, even before sitting down, what it was and he sagged. Why him? Why not some cornstalk-bender from Nebraska?

Ben was fresh out of law school, graduating in the top ten percentile, but even holding those credentials, he'd had to scrounge to find a position with a small law firm and, as of today, hadn't been on the job six months. He moved his young family to a cruddy apartment in Queens where the rent ate up most of his meager paycheck. His savings account might as well have been full of dust and his wife was working part time behind the cosmetic counter at some local Five & Dime joint to make ends meet. It wasn't much but at least there was the glimmer of a promising future.

But now this...

The letter was from the Secretary of the Army. He tore open the envelope and scanned the sheet of paper but only eight words crystallized in his brain: You are here by called to active duty.

And just like that, his life and career came to a grinding halt.

He would have to give it all up, the job, the apartment, and his freedom for the foreseeable future. Christ, what would he do with Annie, his wife, and their eleven-year-old daughter? They couldn't stay in New York. There was no money.

He sat at his desk and drummed his fingers. He hated the idea, but there was little choice and he picked up the phone. "Hello? Dad? Yeah, it's Ben. You good?"

There was a painful pause. Then: "Well if it ain't the hotshot lawyer from New York City. What's up, jug head? I don't need no legal advice and I got no money. So why's you bothering me in the middle of a workday?"

Ben cringed. "Oh c'mon, Dad. Don't be like that. I had my own life to live. You know I couldn't stay behind. And you really didn't need my help in the store. Especially with young Eric happy to fill in."

"Eric's a fag. More trouble than he's fuckin' worth. And you deserted me when I needed you most, right when mother hung me out to dry, so this had better be good. Real good."

"Look, Dad. I need your help..."

A rousing laugh rattled in Ben's ear. "Oh my, that's choice. The hotshot lawyer from New York City needs my help. Okay sport, go fer it."

"Look, I've been called up. I've been assigned to the war and ship-out to Saigon in a couple of weeks, courtesy of the US Army. I got no information where I'll be stationed but it means I have to close up shop here in the City."

"The US Army? That'll put some starch in your gauchies. Good on them."

"Yeah, but I've got a problem."

"I figured that much out for myself, Einstein."

"I can't afford to keep the apartment..."

Realism hit home. "Shit," his father cut him off, "your women."

"Look Dad, Annie's great. She cooks and she'll clean for you. If you need help at the store, she's very personable. Your customers will love her. And she can do inventory and keep the books."

"Oh Jesus..."

"Trixiebelle's only eleven, but big for her age. She's quick and smart if you need someone to run errands or make deliveries. And strong enough to unload a truck. My girls will earn their keep. Trust me."

His father was ready to drop the telephone receiver back into the cradle when he had a thought. "Just a sec..."

"Dad. If you could just see your way..."

But Dad wasn't listening. He parked the phone receiver under his jaw and snatched a photograph that had been pinned above his desk and was now turning it in his hands.

It was an old photo of Ben with his new bride. He had defaced Ben's image with ballpoint years before and only kept the photo because the girl standing beside Ben was a real dish- a doe-eyed creature, her liquid eyes filled with a delicious hurt, eyes that looked up at him, wistfully from beneath thick dark bangs- Annie. And she had a set of soft, pillowy tits that just called out for a man to nestle his head between. And he could only imagine what her nipples would feel like, sucked into his mouth.

He thought about a nice looking woman moving about the house, sleeping in his front bedroom, using his shower, sitting on his toilet and maybe not so shy about walking around in a skimpy nightie, or maybe- even in her under-panties. He was family, after all. His groin tingled and he turned his attention back to the telephone. "Well, maybe..." he grumbled.

Ben frowned. It had been a little too easy.

 

It seemed to Ben that he was up to his ass in mud and leaches. He lived in a tent at the edge of a swamp west of the city of Hue on some backwater of the Huong River where his detail had dug in and were manning Browning machine guns from behind stacked sandbags. It was a fucking nightmare- had been for more than two months. And with no word from home.

When letters finally did arrive, there was a stack of them and Ben carefully sorted the envelops into chronological order. He opened the first letter and read

 

Trixiebelle and I arrived in Shelter Sound. We are good. Got moved in with Dad and I am enjoying the work and the village life. Trixiebelle is fascinated with the cod fishing and I take her down to the fish plant to watch the women in their rubber boots and aprons clean the catch. She wants to know how old she has to be before she can get a job cleaning cod.

Hope you are well. Love... Annie

 

Ben felt a warm glow spread through his chest and he opened his second letter

 

Another week has passed and we feel like we are a part of the community. Working in the store really helps because I get to meet all the local housewives. They have taken to Trixiebelle and take turns showing her around the village and, Trixiebelle's favorite, exploring the fish plant. One older woman has taken a special interest in Trixiebelle and they go off exploring together. The woman works in the fish plant and is teaching Trixiebelle to clean cod. Our little girl looks ridiculous in her rubber apron and boots. I wish you could see.

I found a hole drilled in the bathroom wall. It gave me a queer feeling because looking through, I could see Dad's bedroom. Oh well, I suppose I'm just imagining things and at one time, a picture frame probably hung in that spot.

Hope you are well. Love... Annie

 

Ben wrestled with his feelings. The glow was gone and he opened another letter

 

Jesus, Ben. I think your father has been spying on me while I take my shower. I saw movement, like a shadow, behind that hole in the bathroom wall. And when I checked, I am sure the hole is bigger now, like it has been drilled out so someone can get a better look. I don't know what to do. I could put tape over it, or maybe shower when he's not at home.

Sorry to burden you with this... Anne

 

Ben felt his stomach turn over. What had he done? He must have been crazy to send Annie to Shelter Sound. He reached for another envelope

 

Ben. You have to get me out of here. I was sitting at the breakfast table yesterday and your father came up behind me and put his hands on my shoulders. He said something about me not having to go downstairs to the store, that he was closed for the morning and we could relax, have a second cup of coffee and spend some time together. He leaned down and he cupped me in both hands. God, I just froze. I couldn't move. Dammit Ben, I let him touch me about my breasts.

Ben, you have to come home. I need you... Anne

 

Ben, fighting a feeling of complete helplessness, opened another envelope

 

Oh God, Ben. I am ashamed and so humiliated. How can you ever forgive me. Your father came to my room last night and pulled my nightdress down off my shoulders. I wanted to fight him, I really did, but I couldn't. God save me from getting pregnant by your father. And now I think he has eyes for our daughter.

Ben, you have to get us out of here. Why don't you answer my letters. Please come home. I have no money.

 

There was one last letter and Ben had to force himself to open it

 

If it wasn't for little Trixiebelle, I swear I would walk to the end of the dock and throw myself into the Sound. Your father forced me into a chair to watch. He beat your brother, Eric, calling him a fagot and told him what to do. Told him to be a man for once, and to get on with it. Our little baby isn't a virgin anymore. Your father made Eric do it. Right in front of me. First me, and now Trixiebelle...

 

Ben squeezed the letter in his hands as if his fists were around his father's neck. When he next saw the man, he would take great delight in killing him.