Absolute Darkness

 

"Here in the fourth chamber, we're about hundred feet from the cave entrance and a hundred feet down," said the cute girl in the cute little outfit who was our tour guide. Her name was Caitlin-or at least that was what was embroidered in white script over the pocket in the bright red suit jacket she was wearing over a plain white dress shirt. She was reciting a speech she'd obviously given many times before. It was the last tour of the day, and she was repeating her script without much enthusiasm. "No natural light whatsoever can reach us here. Is anyone here scared of the dark?" Everyone in our group of about a dozen laughed, some a little more nervously than others, including me. I felt a chill, and not only because it was only about fifty degrees there in the cave. "If you are, raise your hand."

There was more laughter, and about half the group, about six people, grinned with embarrassment and raised their hands-including me.

"Okay. Everyone who's afraid of the dark, find someone's hand to hold, because you're about to experience absolute, complete, total darkness."

I didn't have far to reach, because I was standing right next to my boyfriend John. I took his hand and squeezed it, and he squeezed back.

"Absolute darkness is something very few people have ever experienced," Caitlin said. "Even before electric lighting or even gas lighting, very few people ever saw darkness like this, because even on the darkest nights there'd be some light from the stars, the moon, a fire...something. In fact, people wouldn't ordinarily go into caves without a torch or a candle or some other flame. So actually very few people in the entire history of the world have ever experienced what you're about to see...or not see. When I turn the lights off, it'll be totally and absolutely without light. Are you ready?" There was more laughter and a few murmured yesses and even a couple of joking noes. The guide put her hand on the switch at her shoulder. "One...two...three!" And she flicked the switch.

Many in the group-including me-gasped. If you've never been in a cave yourself, it's almost impossible to describe the experience. I can better tell you what it's not like. It's not like closing your eyes. It's not like wearing one of those masks you get on an airplane to help you sleep. It's not like hiding in bed under all the covers. It's not even like closing your eyes and wearing a sleep mask while you're hiding in bed under all the covers.

But now that I think about it, I can tell you what it is like. If you've ever had general anesthesia, it's like what you see in that moment when they're waking you up after the surgery but before you've fully regained consciousness and opened your eyes. It's like the blackness you emerge from when you thought you were dead and you realize you're still alive.

"How's everybody doing?" Caitlin asked.

My boyfriend gave my hand a squeeze. I squeezed his hand and leaned back into him, pushing my bottom against his fly. He rocked his hips forward. I wiggled my bottom from side to side a little. And he put his other hand around me, just under my belt, and pressed me against him. Of course, because the lights were still off, no one could see us. I felt his lips against my ear. "I wonder what it'd be like to do it here," he said, so softly no one else could.

That was one of the games we'd played since becoming a couple, which had only happened about a month before. We'd become roommates in a sublet while we were both taking summer classes between our junior and senior college years. And we went from being roommates to friends to friends with privileges to an officially declared couple in a matter of weeks. In those weeks, we did it in every room of the apartment and the apartment's one large closet, on nearly every horizontal surface of every room and against many of the vertical ones. The game started after we'd run out of rooms and surfaces in our sublet. The first time we were somewhere new, one of us-and it was me as often as John-would put our mouth on the other's ear and murmur, "I wonder what it'd be like...." Often, we didn't even bother finishing the sentence, because we both knew how it ended.

Of course, the next part of the game was to figure out how to find out. Which I know I'd been trying to figure out pretty much as soon as we got down there, and which I assume John had been doing, too.

And the best part of the game was actually going ahead and finding out what it was like. Our batting average for that was pretty high, I'm happy to say.

"We're fine," came a woman's voice from somewhere. In the blackness, sounds were incredibly clear, but it was hard to say where they were coming from.

"Is anyone seeing anything?" Caitlin asked.

"I thought I saw something," asked a man. "A spark or something."

"No," said Caitlin. "In fact, there are no sparks down here. And there are no phosphorescent minerals in the rocks or anything like that. Actually, if you saw something, the most likely explanation is a spontaneous firing of a nerve in your eye. In other words, you were seeing things." Most of the group laughed.

"Now it's time to return to normal." We all heard a click as the lights went on. Everyone in the group applauded, and a few people laughed.

With the lights back on, I could look John in the eyes. He raised an eyebrow and nodded. I raised one of my eyebrows and nodded back. And then I got really hot really fast.

 

***

 

We were back where you bought tickets for the cave tour and you could stow your stuff, which John and I'd both done with our bicycles and our camping gear. Caitlin the tour guide was also Caitlin the coat (and other stuff) check girl. We'd hung back so everyone else in the group had already gotten their things and gone. There'd been somebody else selling tickets and checking stuff when we'd gotten there, but he was gone, too. The three of us were the only ones left in the place.

"How'd you guys like your cave experience?" Caitlin asked as she maneuvered our stuff out from behind the little half-door to the stuff-check room.

"It was awesome," John said. "But it wasn't enough."

"Was that your first time in a cave?" she asked.

"Yeah," John said. "But it's not gonna be our last."

"I don't know about that," I said. "It kind of freaked me out."

"'Lissa is a scaredy cat, 'Lissa is a scaredy cat," John said in a playful singsong. He caught Caitlin's eye. "Can people stay there, like, overnight?"

Caitlin, who I guessed was a couple of years younger than us, a high school kid maybe, looked at us carefully. "No. In fact, no one's allowed in after the last tour. After I close up here, I have to go back to the cave and lock the entrance."

"Bummer," John said. "I bet it'd be the experience of a lifetime." He gave the girl the kind of friendly smile that made what he said next sound innocent. "You never tried going into the cave with your boyfriend?"

The girl's face turned an interesting shade. She opened her mouth as if she was going to say something, but she didn't.

"Don't worry," I said. "We won't tell on you. Promise."

"Well," she said, the color of her face returning to normal, "right at the start of this summer, like the first week I was working, a guy I'd just started dating convinced me to go down there with him one night. Late, after I'd already closed up and gone home."

"And?" John asked. "What was it like?"

She made a face. "It wasn't any fun at all. In fact, it really sucked. I was scared my boss was gonna find out and fire me and it was cold and we didn't have anything comfortable to sit on and the guy had only one thing on his mind. It wasn't exactly rape, but it was as close as I'd ever want to get. Needless to say, I dumped him."

"Bummer," I said. After a pause, I gave her my best smile. "It wouldn't be like that for us." I put my arm around John's waist and pulled myself close to him. "We've got sleeping bags and foam pads. And we both have the same thing on our minds." I extended a hand. "I'm Melissa. And this is John."

She shook my hand and then took John's, which he'd also extended. "Hi. I'm Caitlin."

"We know," John said, pointing to his chest at where his own name would be if he was wearing an outfit like hers. "Nice to meet you, Caitlin. You're an excellent guide, by the way."

"Thanks," she said. "I should be, by now. I think I can give that talk I give in my sleep. I've been doing this every summer since I was sixteen. Three summers in a row. This is my last one, thank God. I'm off to college in a week."

"So what do you think, Caitlin?" John asked. "Could you bend the rules a little? Just before you go off to school? We don't really need to be down there all night. Twenty minutes or so."

"Maybe half an hour," I said.

"I really can't," Caitlin said, "especially since you told me this is the first time you've been in one. I mean, even though it's got the electric lights and the guide rails and everything, it's still a cave. And caves are really dangerous-that gets drilled into you when you come to work here. In fact, I had to get all kinds of special training to become a guide here so I could take care of an emergency if it ever happened."

John smiled his most engaging smile. "Then come down with us."

Caitlin's face turned another interesting color.

"I don't mean it like that," John said. "Just to help us if something bad happened."

"We wouldn't want you to watch or anything," I said. "Besides, we're planning to turn the lights out, so you couldn't."

"Good point," John said. "What do you say, Caitlin? Your parting act of independence."

Caitlin's eyes shifted from me to John and then back again. We kind of hugged each other to show her how much we wanted to do it. You could almost see the gears turning.

"Well..." she said. "If you came with me right now when I went back to lock up, maybe I could let you go down for just a little while. I suppose I could hang out in the first chamber and let you go into one of the ones deeper in."

"Thank you so much, Caitlin!" I said. "We really appreciate it this." I gave John's waist another squeeze.

"Can we leave our bikes here? And one of the backpacks?" John asked. "I don't think we'll need all of that down there. Especially the bikes."

Caitlin laughed at John's joke, even if it was pretty lame. "Sure," Caitlin said. "I'll just grab my stuff and lock up here in front. Wait for me outside, where you assembled with the group before I took you on the tour."

Still arm in arm, John and I and went back out. We turned to each other.

When Caitlin came out of the rear door with the keys and her flashlight, John and I were already getting started, so to speak. Nothing more than kissing, but it was as hot as it gets.

I heard Caitlin clear her throat, and John and I broke our kiss and looked at her.

"Ready?" she asked.

"We sure are," I said.

"Okay. Let's go."

Caitlin walked ahead of us down the path to the cave entrance. I paid attention for the first time to her tight blue jeans. I turned my head and gave John and glance, and I saw that he was admiring her cute little bottom, too. I lowered my hand from his waist and squeezed one of his cheeks.

 

***

 

At the cave entrance, Caitlin opened the gate and flicked the switch that turned on the lights. "Okay. Better put the backpack on, because you should have both hands on the rails when you go down the ladder. I'll go first so I can watch you as you come down."

"Yes, ma'am," John said, swinging the heavy pack onto his shoulders as Caitlin put the lanyard holding her flashlight around her neck and turned to descend into the cave. John peered into the hole as we waited.

"Okay," came Caitlin's voice from far below us.

 

***

 

Down in the chill air of the cave, I shivered even though I was as hot as before. Even with all the lights on, the place was really otherworldly. We all looked at each other.

"Okay," Caitlin said to us. "Go into the chamber after next. That should give you enough..." She searched. "...privacy. And the cave floor is pretty smooth there. If you turn out the lights-which I guess is the whole reason you're here-make sure you've got your flashlight with you. I'll just wait here. When you're..." She searched for a word again. "...ready to leave, turn the lights back on. I can turn them off when I lock up. And don't forget anything, okay?"

"Okay," we said in unison.

She smiled and blushed at the same time. "Have fun."

 

***

 

John and I hurried through the next chamber into the one after that.

"Don't go too far in," Caitlin called from the first chamber. The hard rock walls made her voice loud and present, as if she was right next to us.

"Don't worry," John called back, putting his pack down in the center of the chamber floor. "We're right here in the third chamber, like you told us."

"Okay," came Caitlin's reply.

As John opened his backpack, unrolled the foam pad and arranged the sleeping bag, I was stripping as quickly as I could. I was all goosebumps. As soon as I was naked, I slid into the bag and watched John hurry out of his own clothes. He wasn't completely hard, but he was pretty close.

"Ready?" he asked. One hand was on the switch, the other held his flashlight.

God, was I ready. But I had to stop him. "Wait a sec." Even though I did it entirely by feeling, it was always easier with the lights on. I don't remember which President recommended it, but I believe in trust but verify. I grabbed my handbag and felt around for the condoms, each in its little foil packet. I found the strip, tore one off the end, and palmed it, putting my purse back where it was.

We'd made dealing with those pesky little items another one of our games. "John supplies, Melissa applies," was how we put it. Seeing what I was doing, he grinned.

"Ready?" he asked again.

"And willing," I said. "And now able, too."

He flicked the lights off and his flashlight on at the same instant. With so little light, the place was eerier than ever.

"Get in," I said, lifting the top of the sleeping bag.

"I thought you'd never ask," John joked, slipping in beside me, covering my body with his. The flashlight was still on. "Ready?" he asked again.

"I told you I was," I said, putting my hands on the small of his back.

He flicked off the flashlight and, for the second time in our lives, we experienced absolute darkness. It was incredibly awesome. I closed my eyes and opened them and there was no difference at all. I looked everywhere and saw nothing.

The sensations of our bodies touching, bare skin against bare skin, were amplified by like a thousand. Because I couldn't see, everything John did was completely unexpected. I felt his lips on mine, and it was like I'd never been kissed before. I felt his hands around my tits, squeezing softly but not too softly, and I swear I almost came right then. I felt his lips lift from mine and the next moment felt them on one nipple. I gasped at the exquisite intensity of it. Everything was the sweetest surprise. It was like John and I'd never had sex together. It was like I'd never had sex with anyone ever.

When we usually made love, we'd sometimes say things to each other, but now I couldn't say a word, and I knew John would be quiet, too. Experiencing the blackness right required silence.

I was so wet and open I couldn't believe it. I took my lips from his, brought the condom package to my mouth, and ripped it open with my teeth.

Reaching down between us with both hands, I found his cock. It seemed huger than I'd ever felt it, harder on the inside and softer on the outside. John let out a sound I'd never heard from him before, and I guess he was as overwhelmed as I was. His moan seemed really loud in the hollow space of the cavern chamber. I put my thumb on the tip and felt it was already wet. When I spread the wetness on the head with my finger, it made John make another sound that plunged through me. I used both of my hands to slowly roll the moistened rubber onto his cock. We both always loved that, and now it was better than ever.

His lips found mine again as I raised my knees and guided his cock into my pussy. I lifted my knees to my chest to take him in even deeper. In the blackness, it was like he wasn't just filling me, he was filling the whole universe. He reached down and took my bottom in both of his hands.

I lost all sense of space, of direction. I was weightless. It was like I was having some kind of out-of-body experience even though I'd never felt my body so intensely before. The slightest movement made me groan. Every bit of sensation was distinct-my mouth on his mouth, my tongue on his tongue, my tits against his chest, his cock in my pussy and touching my clit, his hands on my bottom, my hands on his butt, my skin everywhere against his skin-and at the same time it was all diffuse, the pleasure filling every part of me. We moved against each other in a choreography we'd practiced many times before. In the darkness, it was like a whole other dance. It was unbelievable.

I felt John raise himself up, withdrawing his cock almost completely. For a moment, we were suspended in the blackness. Then he thrust himself deeply into me, making a wonderful sound, and I felt him shudder. The sensations seemed to rush from everywhere in my body into my clitoris like a star imploding. A moment later, it exploded, filling first my entire body and then the entire universe.

 

***

 

Almost as soon as we'd both came, we heard an almost inhuman sound. It came from where we'd just been. It was Caitlin. The noise she'd made was something like a moan and a groan and a cry and a scream.

"Caitlin!" I called. "Is everything okay?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine," she called, not too convincingly.

John flicked on the flashlight. The light wasn't very strong, but it was like being in a whole different world. "Better go see what's going on," he said quietly.

"I'm naked," I said in the same tone, "in case you hadn't noticed."

"I am, too," he replied, "in case you hadn't noticed."

"I don't have my pack," I said. "Gimme your coat."

John dug around in his backpack and dragged out his parka. I threw it on and folded it over my bare skin, slipped my feet into my walking shoes without bothering to tie the laces, and stood up.

Using the flashlight to find the switch, I turned the lights back on. "I'll be right back."

With the lightbulbs every ten feet or so illuminated again, it was easy to find my way back to the cave entrance. I hurried through the next chamber to the first one, where Caitlin was kind of half-leaning, half-sitting on the ladder up to the cave entrance.

She looked a little disheveled. Her cute little red vest was buttoned unevenly, one side higher than the other. One tail of her shirt was untucked from her pants. When her eyes met mine, even in the dim light of the bulbs running along one of the walls, I could see she was blushing again.

"You okay, Caitlin?" I asked.

She brushed her hair at the temple, taking a strand away from her eye. "Everything echoes down here," she said, averting her eyes. "I could hear the two of you."

I gave her a smile. "I hope you enjoyed yourself as much as we enjoyed ourselves, Caitlin."

She met my eyes again. This time she smiled and blushed at the same time. "I enjoyed myself. But probably not as much as you. I was all by myself, after all."

"Why don't you come with me, then, Caitlin?" I asked her. I lifted my hand in her direction. "Find out what absolute darkness is all about."